Friday, November 14, 2008

If I had just one wish

I blogged once before about my cravings and how much more stable and sane I would feel if those things were to come true. I feel incredibly unhinged the majority of the time. I want my life to be going in a certain direction, and as soon as I feel that it's the tiniest bit off, my emotions go berserk and I can't reign them in.

While I was away last weekend at Blogvention2008, Doug gave the twins a bit more freedom in the house. I don't blame him for doing it, because it would be nice for them to learn that no, they cannot climb on the piano bench and that the computer is NOT for them to bang on. At their age, Drew had complete freedom in the house. Anyway, since I have come home, I haven't been able to deal with them having that freedom. They're sitting here in the computer room right now, looking at books that they really shouldn't be touching and it's all I can do not to go put them back into the living room. They shove the baby gates aside because they can (with the configuration of our house, we have no way of attaching gates to anything at all) and basically do whatever they please. The word no means nothing to them at all.

If I had just one wish, it would be that either I can deal with them tearing apart my house, or in the alternative, that they would listen to me. The lack of control that I feel daily is killing me. I am constantly yelling to get someone to listen, but it doesn't work. I try to let them have their freedom and they do things like pull all the things off the fridge, take food out of the pantry, or chase the poor kittens. They climb the stairs, which is a BIG no-no here due to Annie's cast and the fact that they aren't good coming down them yet. So I spend my days literally hovering; I have to stay in the room they're in or they run rampant. If I try to go brush my teeth, I catch them banging on the computer (no laptop here), and going to the bathroom is right out unless someone is here to watch their every move, or they're in their highchairs. Never mind the fact that Drew is an absolute NIGHTMARE with them these days, knocking them down, taking their toys and running around like an idiot himself. I have even less control with him it seems.

So I'll breathe a little, have more coffee and try to deal. But what I really want to do is go away. I want to run away and let someone else have this life for awhile. It really is becoming too much for me to handle.


Robyn said...

Ugh. I am sending you SO MANY hugs right now. (didja get them? can you feel 'em?)

I think it's their age. We had to do some major re-training with Bear when the baby gates came down. The first few days were horrible, but then the novelty wore off and he stayed in rooms that had his toys in them.

I think it's the twins' age b/c Bear is the same way. The ONLY thing that works for us is "quiet time." This is NOT time out. This is locking him in his room when he does something wrong and not letting him out until we think he's ready. No pre-set time limit. No negotiations. It has helped tremendously.

If that doesn't help, there's always Super Nanny...! (JK!)

AndreAnna said...

It IS a rough age. I agree with Robyn. Maybe if you made some changes in the house so they couldn't get hurt you wouldn't have to hover so much and might be able to relax a little more.

Assvice aside, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It totally sucks.

creative kerfuffle said...

well, i don't have any good advice on this one and nothing positive to say other than they do outgrow it and it does get better (not that that helps NOW). but i just wanted to be supportive in that lame-i-don't-have-anything-useful-to-add way ; )

Saly said...

I know, it is hard. I feel like I am yelling all the time too. My kids listen to Hub with no problems, but me? Not so much.

Emma in Canada said...

Your last paragraph sums up exactly how I often feel (minus the coffee, I'm a tea drinker.) There are days when I would like nothing more than to shut the bedroom door, put in some ear plugs and lie in bed all day. I would love some time away or even some time on my own. I could clean the house and wake up the next morning and it would still be clean. That would be pure heaven.

Thia said...

I think every mother feels that way at times. I am kind of there now myself. I do think, that with twins, you are really being barraged though. So I ask, is there a way to hire a teen to come over a couple of days a week after school so that you can have some time to clean, cook, or go to the bathroom by yourself?

Astarte said...

I think you should take away the freedom. If they're abusing it, they should lost it. It's your house, and you get to choose who is allowed where. If they get mad, maybe they'll listen.

I find myself yelling sometimes, too, and it never works for me, either. I think once we resort to that, they know they've won.

CassJustCurious said...

If you do run away you can run here. That's the best I've got.