Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Open Letters

Here is my latest installment of open letters to my children. These will not make you all warm and fuzzy, but you may nod in agreement at times.

Dear Darling Eldest Daughter:

School starts soon. Please get a grip on your emotions. I cannot guarantee that you will like every child in your class. I know it's a new school with new kids. That is why we're going on the school tour and dragging the whole family to the insane event called the "ice cream social" next week. If you keep up with your crappy attitude toward me we'll never get your school supplies and you can damn well be sure that I'll not be getting you a Hannah Montana folder. You'll get boring old pink.

Love, your tired Mama

Dear Darling Son:

School starts soon, but not soon enough. You have to stop your 4 year old bullshit act of crying at EVERY.THING.I.SAY.TO.YOU. You cry if we ask your name, if we ask you to move, if we tell you to go eat. Cut the crap. It's annoying and doesn't get you very far now does it? Oh, and please stop telling me to "sshhh" with your finger up by your mouth. I am your Mama and you don't do that to me. You're lucky I haven't locked you in a trunk and sent you to Kazakhstan.

Love, your tired Mama

Dear Darling Twins:

Stop hitting/pinching/screaming/fighting over every single toy we own. Because there are two of you, we have two of just about every toy for you. Figure that out please. Izzie, that high pitched scream that you start with the minute you wake up annoys the ever loving crap out of me and it must be stopped. Otherwise you're ending up with your brother in the trunk. Annie, please stop with the gigantic crocodile tears every time someone looks at you/breathes near you/says hi to you. It's just plain tiring.

Love, your tired Mama

BONUS LETTER

Dear Kristin:

Your body is crap right now. You are tired. You are irritable. Try so very hard not to yell at your children. You know that the medicine is making you irritable so try, try, try to keep it together. The children are worried about your health. Yes, you look smokin' hot in your hot pink Kiniseo tape on your neck and you know it. Don't flaunt it too much. Take deep breaths. School starts soon. The temps will drop below 90 here in a day or so. Life will get back into balance soon. Things will work themselves out.

Love, me

8 comments:

AndreAnna said...

Hoo boy am I not looking forward to tween-hood.

Hope back to school comes quickly for ya!

Astarte said...

Amen. Summer ends for a reason, and it's so we don't go ballistic on our whiny twerp progeny in the heat.

Jill said...

Hang in there! Hope you're feeling better soon!

Jess said...

Summer is just too damn long, isn't it?

Brooke Brown said...

Oddly enough, my 4-year old is in an incessant crying phase, too. Its a killer. Our mud room is now his "crying room" and he's banished there whenever he cries for any reason other than being hurt. Counting the days until this phase ends! At least school starting soon will help a little. :)

Hua said...

You're coming into the long stretch of the summer. Hang in there!
-Hua

Kellie said...

I am DREADING the tween/teen years. I am already preparing by stockpiling vodka.

creative kerfuffle said...

after this summer i'm thinking year round school might be worth looking into. seriously, i could have written those letters about my two kids. thankfully they went back to school last week.