Thursday, February 25, 2010

Always doing

I just lamented on Twitter that I hadn't done anything productive today other than assemble dinner in the crock pot. It's not totally true~I've gotten 4 kids dressed, one out the door for school, squelched 3 tantrums, made a lunch and got a backpack organized, checked the balance of my bank account, cleaned up the kitchen table, fed kids snack, sent a couple of emails.

Yet I feel like I should be "doing" something all the time and I don't know why I feel this way. Right now the kids are watching a Dora video which allows me time to compose this blog post, but in my mind I can hear the following: more laundry to wash, the cat boxes are overflowing (again), the dishwasher that was run this morning needs to be emptied and refilled, the kitchen island is lost among a sea of papers and needs to be found, the living room floor needs to be vacuumed. I'm not sure why I feel like I can't enjoy a bit of time to relax, a bit of time when the kids aren't screeching at each other, hitting each other with crayons/toys/books or climbing up on me yelling that "they're being MEAN to me AGAIN Mommy".

I feel like I should have a sparkling clean house AND personality when Doug comes home from work, when quite frankly I don't always want to. And honestly, most days I am not all sunshine and smiles when he gets home. He's well aware of what goes on here during the course of the day. He got to witness the tri-tantrum tournament here yesterday afternoon while I was gone for 45 minutes to get Meg from the bus and run to the grocery store. Some days just attempting to smile is all I can do, when I'd rather curl up in a corner and cry while my children beat on each other.

My 20 minutes of "not doing" are up. Back to doing.


Anonymous said...

I've learned in my 4 years of being a SAHM, my days take on a really strong feel of the movie "Groundhog Day". It becomes extremely mundane and causes me to lose my shit now and then.

I always feel like the house should have a model home appearance and dinner should be ready and everyone should be farting rainbows and singing about unicorns.

But, it's not. There are days when I'm incredibly miserable and the sight of my husband makes me want to punch kittens. There are days if I hear "Mommy, can I?" one more time, I will shove razor blades in my ears. Days where the sight of a full dishwasher waiting to be emptied or laundry to be folded makes me want to scream.

And you know what I've come to realize? It's okay. Not everyday is incredibly productive and it doesn't have to be. My house is never dirty so, who cares if the mail from Monday is still sitting on the counter come Wednesday? Who cares if the load of towels sits one more day before being folded? Who cares if the carpets need to be vacuumed? It'll all be the next day, or later, and I'll be just fine with it.

Having four kids has got to be tough. You're a fantastic Mama and wife. But, if you're not good to yourself, you can't be as good at those other jobs as you'd like to be. I say throw in another Dora video and buy yourself 20 minutes (or more, if you can) each day. You more than deserve it!

creative kerfuffle said...

i totally understand the feeling you're talking about. even though i don't have little ones home w/ me during the day, i feel like i should be doing more. my typical day includes cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, laundry and more laundry and any other house work. it is the same thing every day. i feel like i should be more productive but i some days i just don't have the steam for it. i can't even imagine trying to accomplish any of that w/ kids underfoot. once mine get home from school little gets done.

Suz said...

I totally feel your pain. But I don't get it until I get home at night. And while I'm at work all day, I'm perpetually making lists of "things I don't want to do". Adjusting my attitude & thinking, "I'm lucky to have this house so I get to do this" helps once in a while.

But times like last night, when dh passed over his typical xbox game in favor of going to bed while I finished yet ANOTHER load of laundry & washed all of the dishes despite me having been at the library & swim practice while he was snoozing in his chair at home with the other twin playing on the computer...those times? mostly it just sucks.