Busy is as busy does

Life here has been busy. I remember rejoicing at all the free time I'd gain when the girls started preschool, but that hasn't materialized much. I've been so swamped that I'm taking next week off from school volunteering, appointments and such and taking 6 much needed hours to myself to regroup.

Drew started soccer for the first time through our district's recreation department. He LOVES it. Turns out he's a bit of a natural at it. Natural like scoring 7 goals in his game Saturday while neither Doug nor I were there to see it! Yikes. He has boundless energy so soccer is a good fit because quite frankly, the boy can't sit still and running around for an hour somewhere other than inside my house is good for him.  He is really enjoying kindergarten. His class if full of little blond boys with crew cuts like his and it's pretty funny to look at. I'm anxious to hear what his teacher says at his conference next week. I've volunteered in his class twice and chaperoned the field trip to make fairy houses and to me, he's taken to school quite well.

 

Doug and I are sharing director duties for our hockey organization.  We're in charge of over 100 kids and their placement in the program. We're also in charge of the coaches and their certifications. The last couple of weeks have been non-stop hockey preparation. There are currently 7 boxes of hockey jerseys courtesy of Tim Horton's in my living room. Our season opened this past weekend and while it was an enormous amount of work we were both pleased with how well it all went off. Meg helped out on the ice for Drew's hockey session and she surprised us with how well she was skating. I'm looking forward to seeing her on the ice with her team Friday night at her first practice of the season.

Speaking of Meg, she is loving 4th grade so far. We have her school conference today and I'm anxious to hear what her teacher has to say. She is in a reading class separate from her regular class with kids at her own reading level and she's enjoying that. She is taking keyboard lessons again and despite not much playing over the summer has really improved. I look at her and am amazed at how grown up she is getting. Literally and figuratively. She's almost 5 feet tall! She wears my sneakers! What's next, my clothes?

Annie and Izzie are loving preschool. They have a couple of friends that they spend lots of time with and love doing their art projects. We knew they'd love it there after spending 3 years shuttling Drew there. There have been no tears at drop off and while they have a great time they're quite excited to see me when I return to pick them up. We're taking a field trip to the farm across the street from Meg's school tomorrow and that is always fun. 

I've been spending more time in my car than I can remember since we moved here. My dad fell and broke his arm (which if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you are already aware) and despite surgery to put an 8 inch plate and screws in his arm is doing quite well. He started physical therapy last week and is improving daily. I'm frustrated that I can't help my parents out more even though I only live 20 minutes away. I can't imagine how my brother feels as he lives in Massachusetts. My in-laws are angels and are taking my dad to and from his appointments this week so that my mom can work.

So that's where I've been. What about you?

Finding Time

I had not-quite three hours to myself yesterday while Annie and Izzie were at preschool. It was the first time since Drew was born 5 1/2 years ago that I didn't have a child in my house during the school day (not counting days when Doug is home and takes them out with him; you know what I mean). Because it was my first "free" day I didn't schedule a dentist appointment or run any errands other than the post office. I didn't arrange coffee with a couple of the other preschool moms I've known for a few years; I just wanted to be in my house and see how it felt to be taking back a little of my life.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I would do anything for them. But as my daily existence is so completely intertwined with what THEY eat and THEY watch and THEY read and THEY do that I have gotten pushed to the side. My blogging time, for example, is so limited because a)it requires some brain power, b)I am constantly interrupted when I try to write or think and c)did I mention needing brain power? I can't tune out the kids when they are here so more often than not, I don't blog. Twitter on the other hand, is easier for me to manage while constantly being interrupted.

Doug called me while I was sipping coffee and asked me what I was going to do while the girls were in school. I told him "nothing". I had emptied the trash and uploaded some photos that I took of the girls yesterday, but other than that, I hung out at my computer. It was nice to actually READ a blog post instead of  getting halfway through it and needing to feed a child/wipe a bottom/break up a fight. I wasn't lonely and I wasn't sad. I was just me and it felt so good.

Once we get into the routine of the girls going to school twice a week, then I'll do more things. I'll be volunteering in Drew's class on one of those days every other week. I can go to the dentist without taking the kids with me. I can clean if I want or edit photos or scrapbook. I can read a book. I can do those things that I never find the time for while the kids are racing around the house at warp speed (like right now). I'm looking forward to a better balance of me and Mama. I think I've earned it.

School Daze

Yesterday was the first day of school for Meg and Drew. We had a weekend of nervous tummies and cranky attitudes over the adjustment to the bus ride and meeting new people and doing new things, but yesterday morning was great. Doug stayed home with us so that he could walk down the road and put the kids on the bus too.  I was handling it all just fine until Doug asked Drew if he needed a "Kissing Hand", at which point I bawled like a baby and both kids gave me kisses on my hand to stay with me all day (if you haven't read "The Kissing Hand", do it but be warned it WILL make you cry) and I beat my husband and buried him in the woods. No, not true (the husband beating part).  Drew was quite confident, until he saw the bus coming down the road, but he got on with a smile and happily waved when the bus went back down the hill past our house.

The kids both had a great day, even though it was almost 90 degrees here yesterday and our schools don't have air conditioning. If I've learned anything from having a school aged kid for 4 years is that finding a way to let your child unwind after school is KEY to keeping your sanity. Unfortunately, I didn't FOLLOW that mantra yesterday and had a cranky son because I asked too many questions! So we'll try a different way today and see if that works!

I'm not sure how I grew such big kids though. Any ideas? In the meantime, I'm trying to adjust to having just two at home after 3 1/2 months of having them all here and finding ways to keep Annie and Izzie busy and out of trouble. I can't wait for them to head to school next week for the very first time!

In Preparation

The bus has been ridden. The teachers have been met, friends new and old have been greeted. School outfits have been chosen, cast aside, chosen again. School supplies have been delivered and backpacks are ready to be packed with homemade lunches and notes stating "I love you. Have a great first day of school".  Tension is riding a bit high around here and Meg and Drew prepare for the first day of school on Monday. We've attended the ice cream socials at both of their schools, have chatted with teachers and parents we haven't seen all summer. Books such as "Wemberely Worried" and "The Kissing Hand" have been read repeatedly to Drew, Annie and Izzie (their new adventure doesn't start until September 9th). Meg has a new desk lamp and a cork board which still needs to be hung above her desk. The traditional first-and-last-day-of-school taco dinner has been discussed and all items will be procured this weekend. The kitchen cork board has been emptied of all previous school items such as lunch menus and calendars and will be filled this weekend with reading calendars, new lunch menus. Early release dates need to be put on the calendars. A whole tote full of paperwork needs to be read and filled out, to be returned to school with the appropriate child on Monday.

Today there is a crispness in the air telling me that fall is coming. It's just around the corner. The first four days of school, however, will be hot and muggy and I'll have warm, sticky kids exiting the bus next week. But fall is coming. The cooler mornings are the telltale sign. Soon our coat rack will be filled with sweatshirts. This weekend though, we'll get haircuts and new sneakers, and maybe take one last trip to the lake on Sunday.

I think we're ready. All of us, not just me. School is such a grand adventure awaiting the kids. This school year will bring good things. I can feel it.

His Turn

When we moved to this house, it was a week before kindergarten began for Meg. It was out of our hands, of course, because when you build you are dependent upon the weather to cooperate and we had a very rainy spring that year which slowed the process down. We knew no one when we moved here, other than my husband's co-workers. No one had a child starting kindergarten. Meg was pretty much on her own.

Fortunately she met her friend B on the bus ride during Orientation and they found out they were in the same class, so she was able to have a friend on the first day of school. B's mom and I have become very good friends as well. But I've always felt bad that our decision to move put Meg in such a difficult position of having so much to adjust to so quickly. Moving, leaving her friends, starting school in a strange town. It's hard enough for adults, but asking that of a 5 year old was really just too much. She had a great kindergarten teacher who helped her adjust and learn, but it was a very long year for us all.

In one week Drew begins kindergarten. It's a completely different experience for all of us. He already knows the bus route. He knows his teacher~she is the same teacher Meg had. The two boys that live on either side of us will not only be on the bus with him, but in his class. He has plenty of friends from his preschool to see during lunch and play with on the playground. Don't get me wrong~he's a nervous little man these days and is prone to crying over everything and not sleeping enough. We understand his tantrums better now, thanks to already having a school-age child who starts to get her cranky pants on about 2 weeks before school starts. I bought several "getting ready for kindergarten" books before he left preschool and we've started reading them in earnest. He'll head off to Orientation with Doug and me on Wednesday nervous, but with a different kind of nervousness than Meg had. He'll say hi to his friends as we make our way down the hall to Room 25, the room with Clifford the Big Red Dog on the door. He's been to the school enough that he may know the way himself.

I can guarantee you that I'll be one hot mess next Monday morning when I put both my kids on the bus together, not so much because I'll be worried about them, but because I can't believe it's his turn to climb the stairs of the bus and head off to school. I'm grateful he has his big sister on the bus with him this year, to make sure he gets off at his school and that he gets back on each day. I think he'll hold his own though, after a bit of time. I can't wait to see what this year brings for him.

The Bullets are Flying Today

Bullets are in order today. It's just plain easier.

• I went to my high school reunion and had a BLAST! We walked in the door at 6:30 and back out again after 11. It was fun to see people who had no idea Doug and I were married; the look of shock was almost too much fun to resist. Two of the attendees were guys (men?) that I've known since I was 3 and 6. We got a great photo of the 3 of us together. It was also fun to watch those who, after 20 years, haven't figured out that we're supposed to have grown up. I'm ready for the next reunion, so bring it on!
• We were on "vacation" last week. Instead of doing many fun things, we spent the majority of the week dealing with our fridge, which just stopped keeping cold. Our awesome neighbors lent us a small fridge, which saved some of our food and we have a commercial freezer in the basement so we were able to save the few frozen items that didn't melt, but we still don't have a fixed fridge. It's sitting in the garage, awaiting a new compressor later this week. We do have a loaner fridge in the kitchen, and a huge scratch on the kitchen floor from the movers taking the old one out. Lucky us!
• We did manage some fun things on vacation. We took the kids to Santa's Village in New Hampshire with our good friends on Wednesday and had a great day. All four kids rode the log flume! With my bad neck, I was restricted to the merry-go-round, the train and the sky train. But I snapped 207 photos so that was good!
• Doug and I got a night away Friday night and went to Meadowbrook, which is an outdoor concert venue, to see Heart. We had great seats and saw an amazing show. Ann Wilson still sounds like she did 30 years ago!
• We're on the school countdown. Meg is heading to 4th grade and Drew to Kindergarten in 27 days; Annie and Izzie head to preschool in early September.  There is so much to do to get them all ready and I'm avoiding it all like the plague! We're still waiting for Drew's teacher assignment and the school supply lists for both of the school-age kids to arrive in the mail. It's making this Type A Mama a bit crazy. I've been busy marking down the schools' ice cream socials on the calendar and arranging childcare for the girls so we can take Drew to his orientation later this month! Hard to believe he's going to be riding the bus with Meg soon.
• I waffle daily between wanting the kids to go back to school and wanting them to just hang out in the yard playing, smelling of sunscreen and pool water and sunshine. I suppose that the days that they're driving me the most insane are the days I'm ready to ship them all off to boarding school, but when they're getting along and having fun, I want to keep them nearby and watch them over the top of my book or through my camera lens.

 So who wants to share what's new with them?

Neglectful

Hello? Is this thing on? Anyone out there? Anyone? Bueller?

Well this poor blog has been seriously neglected this summer. So has the laundry, the piles of paper that need sorting and about a dozen other things.  Dishes get done just before Doug gets home so it looks like I've done something other than sit with a book while the kids play in their pool. Weekends are full of family time, with a little me time thrown in there lately, and all the things I meant to do keep getting pushed back further and further. At least I remember to pay the bills on time!

I've missed writing about the kids. They've only driven me partially insane this summer, with Annie and Izzie unleashing their inner Picasso on their bedroom walls and the way the four kids fight over dumb things like who made the mess in the playroom.  As a family we've done some fun things and I've had my camera with me every time but I think the photos are still on the card and not even on the computer. How pathetic is that?

So I'll try to be less neglectful of the blog. I'll try to write more and share photos of the kids. But maybe first I should fold some laundry and put it away.

On Strike (Edited)

This school vacation has been far from a vacation and we're barely two weeks in. The kids have done nothing but bicker most days. They've been demanding and incredibly rude, both to me and each other. Their once-clean rooms and playroom are so trashed they can barely get into them, let alone actually play in them. The weather has been pretty uncooperative as well, which hasn't helped the situation.

Tuesday was my birthday and I asked the kids to help me tidy up the downstairs as our friends were coming for lunch. Their response was a resounding NO and they went off to play, leaving me frustrated and sad, and having a house to tidy myself. It got done, but it left a very sour taste in my mouth that my kids are so self centered that they couldn't even help me out for a bit.

So last night after I made them a quick dinner because Doug was running late, I announced that I was on strike. I told them that I do everything around here, from all the laundry to taking out the trash, making them meals and snacks and since they are not nice to me, I was done. I am exhausted at the end of the day from breaking up constant fights, unlocking their locked doors when they lock each other out, listening to them demand things from me without a simple thank you, and that I wasn't doing it anymore.  I know Annie and Izzie don't truly understand why I'm upset, but Meg and Drew are quite old enough to understand that we're a family and that families need to work together. Since my words don't mean anything to them, I'm hoping that this action does. They cleaned up the table last night and Meg vacuumed the floor, so that's a start.

But this isn't just about them cleaning (although truth be told, they really need to work on that). It's about their lack of respect for me, Doug, and for each other. In the last two weeks I've had things thrown at me in anger, been hit, kicked, screamed at and I have had enough. I refuse to take them to the grocery store after the rotten way they acted Monday, causing me to have to reprimand them at the deli and not hear the person asking me if I had been helped yet (which then caused said deli worker to COME AROUND THE DELI COUNTER to ask what I'd like to order, leaving me mortified). The kicker is that when they go places with Doug, they use their manners and behave like normal kids, but when they're with me, it's mayhem.

I don't know how successful this little experiment will be. The kids woke me before 7 this morning (again) banging and being much too loud, and then Meg was vacuuming the kitchen at 7:04. But Doug is on board and reminded the kids that they are on their own today. Meg got everyone breakfast and is, at this moment, cleaning up the living room. I'm sure their "enthusiasm" will wane soon. I'm not asking for them to make every meal and do all the chores. I'm asking for their respect. I'm asking for them to help when I ask them to help, for them to be polite to me and to each other, and for them to realize that this will be a much happier household if they do that. I'm tired of being the Mama who yells all the time, since yelling causes them to ignore me and do whatever they want anyway.  The kids have almost no special privileges, so there isn't anything we can take away from them. So we're taking me away from them. I'm not going anywhere of course, and I'll be here to keep them safe, but it's high time that they realize that a little respect goes a long way. A happy Mama makes for a much happier house.

Edit. I want to be clear that the goal of this is NOT because I need a break (which, of course I do. I am home, alone, with four kids for 12 hours or more a day). The goal is for them to realize that I am NOT a doormat and that I am tired of them thinking that they can walk all over me all the time and expect me to do everything. I love doing things for my kids when they are being nice and respectful, but I do not want to do things for people who whine, cry, fight and tell me that they hate me all the time.

The Next Big Thing

I am not sad that Drew is going to kindergarten in September. I am not sad that Annie and Izzie will be attending preschool for 6 hours a week in September.

I'm pretty sure this makes me kind of a freak in the parenting world. Don't get me wrong. I'll cry when he gets on the bus that first day, but I know he'll be with Meg and she'll make sure he gets off the bus at his school before she heads on to hers. Annie and Izzie will be going to the same school and will be with each other, so while I'll shed a tiny tear, I'll be happy they're together to start their journey.

The reason that I'm not sad that my house will be a bit quieter in September isn't because I don't love my kids. It's not because I really want to clean my house without little hands and feet messing it up right behind me. And it's not because I just want to drink my coffee while it's hot and watch a little Today show (ok, well maybe a little of all of that because I'm only human!)

It's because the school experience is the next Big Thing. It's what I've been preparing them for since they could walk and talk. Not in overt ways like flash cards and workbooks, but in more subtle ways like reading to them and practicing letters and spelling word after word after word for them. Ways like counting rocks and and using fridge magnets to spell A-N-D-R-E-W.  Ways like giving them a hug at the door to the bus or in the doorway of school and saying "have a great day!"

I think what makes all of it easier for me is that I've been there and done that with Megan. I've put a child on the bus for the first time (and yes, I met that bus at the school and watched her walk in the door that first day). But, I've seen how she thrives in school. I know that I cannot give her what she gets from going to school every day. I feel that same way for Drew, Annie and Izzie. I believe I've given them the tools they need to start the next Big Thing. Of course I'll be here to help them if they stumble along the way, just as I've been with Meg. I'll support and encourage them, cheer their successes and wipe away their tears.

So if this makes me a freak in the parenting world, so be it. I know it's right for them, for all of us. And I can't wait to see how they spread their wings and fly.

Letters

It's been awhile since I've done some Open Letters. This should be fun.

Dear Annie:

I love your hugs. They are truly the loveliest hugs in the world. What I do not love though, is your insistence that you are the boss of this house. It's dinnertime when I tell you to get in your seat, not when you feel like it.  When I tell you to put on your shoes so that we can get Meg to the bus on time, it's not a negotiation. As you've seen, Mama will just throw you in your seat shoeless and go about her business. Let's get on the same page here and make everyone happy, ok?

Love, your tired, overworked and very underpaid Mama

Dear Izzie:

You are a great snuggler. I love it when you curl up in my arms and coo. What I do not love is your insistence on breaking things~your bed, toys, books, crayons. You will end up with nowhere to sleep, nothing to play with and nothing to read or color. Do you really want to challenge me on that? Where are your blocks? Oh yes, in the garage, taken away due to your inability to treat them nicely. Let's get on the same page here and make everyone happy, ok?

Love, your tired, overworked and very underpaid Mama

Dear Drew:

You can be the sweetest, most loving little boy a Mama has ever known. I love that Drew with all my heart. What I do not love is the Drew who throws toys at me and his sisters, who hits, who screams "I hate you Mama" at the drop of a hat and who is generally irritable from sun up until sundown. That Drew can find a short pier and take a long walk. Bring back the good boy that I love, ok?

Love, your tired, overworked and very underpaid Mama

Dear Meg:

You will always be my little girl even if you are getting closer every day to being as tall as me. I love you to the moon and back. But for the love of coffee (and Mama loves her coffee), could you please please please stop acting like a baby every time I ask you to do something or you don't get exactly what you want the veryminuteyouaskforit? Your crying and carrying on is enough to make me go postal and quite honestly, that takes too much energy. You are such a smart kid, so let's get on the same page and make everyone happy, ok?

Love, your tired, overworked and very underpaid Mama

Dear Sheldon:

No more nights away from the house ok? Your big kids were so worried about you and I can't deal with all the crying and carrying on because you've disappeared into the woods where the coyotes live. So remember not to piss off the hands that feed you and come in at night.

Love, yo Mama

Weekend happiness

Our weekend was busy but so nice. We spent Friday night and most of Saturday doing this:

That is the referee checking Meg's jersey number because she scored a GOAL!!! Three for the entire weekend!

My kid is so darn TALL!

The boy and his dad

He's finally got some speed

And then we got to do this because it was 50 degrees. In Maine. In Winter.

This photo of Annie cracks me up. She started jumping just as I took the photo!

It was a great weekend.

Extraordinary

Yesterday was just an ordinary Tuesday. We put Meg on the bus to go to school, puttered around, then headed to a friend's house for a playdate for a couple of hours. We came home, had lunch with Doug, and the kids played/whined/fought until we walked down to get Meg from the bus (a first since last fall). The late afternoon and early evening were a mixture of homework, piano practice, tv, dinner, reading. All the usual stuff.

In the mix of all that ordinary were tiny little extraordinary things that made me happy. Like Drew getting the girls boots and coats ready for them before we went to his friend's house and instead of yelling "no me do it MYSELF" they said "thank you Drewie". Like Annie running up to me later in the day, throwing her arms around me legs and saying "me love you Mama". Like Meg grabbing my hand and holding it the entire way home from the bus stop. Like watching all four kids run around like crazy fools after a bit too much Valentine candy after dinner.

Much of my time is spent dealing with the ordinary~cleaning cat boxes, doing laundry, refereeing fights, taking and picking children up from school. But when the little bits of extraordinary are thrown in there it adds a spark to my step and warmth to my heart. I wonder what extraordinary things today will bring?

"Tween" big and little

I am the parent of a tween. Apparently a tween is aged 9-12, and I am the parent of one. Um, holy crap. A tween. A girl tween. Hold me. Or send me a padded room (for me, not her).

Ahem.

A tween isn't a little girl anymore. But a tween isn't a big girl either. So she's stuck in the middle, too big for little girl things, and not quite big enough for big girl things. Which puts us in the position of trying to make the best decision for her so that she doesn't feel like we're treating her like a baby and also that we aren't expecting too much out of a 9 year old.

Case in point: softball and hockey. She has played minor league softball for 2 years, which makes her quite the veteran. She misses the cutoff to try out for major league softball by one month. We've asked the VP of softball for our league to see if she can get a waiver to at least try out for majors and are waiting on an answer. Now normally we wouldn't even have questioned the decision, but the kid is a good player. She needs to be with older kids that have the experience and can make her an even better player. To stay in minors with first year players (who are 7) could potentially discourage her from playing. We'll see how that all plays out.

Hockey is another story. This weekend is her final weekend as a Mite, and next year we have two choices for her: Squirts (with boys like she's always done) and all girls (from ages 9-14). After Squirts, she needs to play on the all girl team as I don't believe that girls are allowed to play PeeWee, where they teach checking (in ice hockey, girls do NOT check as it's not allowed under the rules). In this case, we are totally unsure where to place her in the fall. At first, we (ok, I) really wanted to put her on the girls team since she'd eventually end up there if she continued playing. But as I've thought more about it, I'm leaning toward making her a Squirt for the next two years, and it has (almost) nothing to do with gender, but more to do with age. Squirts are all 9 and 10 years old. She'll be with her peers, even if some of them are much better than she is, and some aren't as good. I worry that putting her on the all girl team could put undue pressure on her to be as good as the 14 year olds. I also worry because quite frankly, girls are mean, and putting a 9 year old with much older girls could be potentially more stressful than we'd like. We've asked Meg what she'd like to do and she's unsure at this time. At least we have some time to figure it all out.

I figure if I survive parenting one tween I'll be golden when I have to do it all over again with the twins. Either that, or I'll have gone completely over the edge trying to figure out what's the best thing to do for Meg and the girls will have to fend for themselves.

Time

When you have kids, time is measured by their milestones. Sleeping through the night. Eating solids. Smiling. Time is all relative; no child reaches those milestones at the same time as their siblings. Meg got her first tooth when she was 4 months old. Drew's was closer to 8 months and quite frankly, I can't remember when the girls got their teeth, but I know Annie was first. Annie was walking at 10 1/2 months; Izzie was almost 15 months old.

Having twins makes milestones a little bit different. The girls are not identical. Annie is 3 inches taller than Izzie and 5 pounds heavier. Izzie speaks better than Annie. Annie's hair is darker than Izzie's. Annie is using a booster seat in the car, but Izzie is still too little to do so.

However, having twins also means that some milestones have to be attempted simultaneously. We took them both out of their cribs and put them in toddler beds at the same time. We started potty training them at the same time. They stopped drinking out of sippy cups and drink out of "big kid cups" at the same time. We are quite fortunate that they WANT to do these things together. They cheer for the other when they a)poop on the potty, b) zip their own coat c) put on their own socks.

It all seems like it's happening so fast. Two months ago, they were both still in diapers all day long. Now, they're both wearing undies and Izzie is waking up DRY in the morning (in a pull-up no less); Annie is getting closer to that milestone every day. Two months ago I was still zipping both their coats and now they either help each other or do it themselves. Two months ago we were still giving them sippy cups because they were still throwing them on the floor for fun. Now the each drink carefully from a cup.

I don't think this would bother me as much if all these milestones weren't the last milestones that I'll be seeing at this age. I won't have to potty train anymore. I won't have to get another child out of a crib. Part of me rejoices at this, of course, but part of me is sad that it's over. My babies aren't babies. I have four kids. Now my blog name finally means something.

Different

The noise level in the house is different when Doug is home during the week. The kids climb all over him when he's sitting down, like they haven't seen him for years. They fight over who is going to go with Daddy to the dump or the grocery store. They play together better when he is around.

The tension I carry in my neck, shoulders and back releases when Doug is home during the week. I feel like a different person knowing that at least for one day, the daily responsibilities are not all mine to bear. I leave the house on these days, usually to volunteer for a couple of hours in Meg's classroom, or actually run errands (which I never do when I'm home with 2 or 3 of the kids during the week as it's just too stressful). I come home feeling refreshed, happy, less anxious. It's a nice feeling, a different feeling from how I feel the rest of the week.

I told him last night that it actually bothers me deeply that the kids are better behaved when he is around. I'm not mad at him about it. I'm just sad that the air in the house is so much more negatively charged when he is at work. I want to bottle some of the positively charged air when he's here and sprinkle it on the kids when he's at work that they can be nicer to each other and to me. The days of Daddy at home during the week won't last too much longer (for which I'm happy, yet sad) and it would be lovely to find a way too keep some of the happiness that comes from him being around. Because certainly if I feel it, the kids feel it too.

Cake Central

I am so darn glad the kids' birthdays are over. I've baked and decorated 5 cakes in the last 4 weeks (Drew had 2 parties, one with family and one with friends). This year I went a different route with the cakes~no cake pans allowed. So Google was my friend for inspiration and the kids got the following cakes to celebrate their birthdays:

Drew's theme was PIRATE of course. Thanks to Doug for decorating this!

The girls' party was PRINCESS themed (not Disney) so I created crowns for them


Meg's party was HEART themed. She helped decorate

So it was nothing extravagant this year. The cakes were relatively easy to make and decorate, I didn't spend a ton of money or lose my mind with a thousand different frosting colors to tint. The cakes are all the same~homemade marble cake that is so delicious (thank you Better Homes and Gardens cookbook). Now I just have 10 more months to come up with the next cake idea.

Mean

Annie called me a "mean mommy" yesterday.

I was fighting to get the girls to take a nap. I had gone in their room several times and reminded them that cribs are for napping, not playing, etc. The last time I went in, I told them in a rather harsh tone to go to sleep, then I left. I stood outside their door, waiting for them to start jumping in their cribs again. Instead, I heard Annie say, not once but twice, "mean mommy" and then she went to sleep.

It broke my heart.

Sure, Megan and Drew have told me on numerous occasions that they hate me. Even Izzie walks around saying that she hates me. But she also hates the doors and walls, so I know she isn't aware of what she is saying (and yes, Meg and Drew know perfectly well what they're saying). But to hear my Annie say that I'm a mean mommy struck a nerve. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that being home with the kids lately has been torture. I only touched upon their behavior in my last post. Monday I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed because I was so angry I was afraid I was going to hurt someone. That is not the kind of mom I want to be.

Sometimes being a parent sucks. My kids don't want rules, even though they need them. I need them to need them. Unfortunately for my kids, I am not a calm, quiet mom. I yell. A lot. It obviously doesn't work to change things, but it's all I know. (I also know that being at home for 12 hours a day five days a week with almost no break is slowly killing me, but that's for another post). I just wish my kids would see past the "mean mommy" and understand I'm doing my best. Of course that little nugget of insight won't hit them until they're in their 20s or so.

I just want to be a good mom. Most days I do not feel like a good mom, or even an adequate mom. I think my exact words to Doug have been "a trained monkey could do a better job". I'm trying to do better. I want to do better. They deserve better.

Etiquette Lesson

As a mom of four, there are some things that are necessary for us to do to get by and not go broke. Using hand-me-down clothes for the kids is one of those things. The twins wear Meg's old clothes, Meg wore a friend's daughter's clothes until she got taller than the child, and Drew sometimes gets some from other friends. I gave my neighbor all of the twins 0-6 month clothes when she had boy-girl twins and I'm pretty sure she never needed to WASH a single onesie, ever. I am not too picky with hand-me-downs; I appreciate them and if it saves me money, my kids tend to wear them. Well, I appreciate them to a point.

On Friday one of Doug's coworkers dropped off a giant bag of clothes for Drew. We were thrilled, because the poor boy is currently wearing high-water pants since he grew over the winter and all his pants are too short. I'm not about to spend money on pants since he'll grow over the summer, again. I'll just wait until fall. I digress. In going through the bag though, we were disappointed. The clothes were either MUCH too small (size 6-9 months doesn't fit ANY child in this house thanks) or three sizes too big. Argh.

I can understand if you want to share clothes and I appreciate the thoughtfulness. But don't just dump stuff on me that I have to go through and then get rid of MYSELF. That's disrespectful. Ask me what size my child is wearing before you load up a bag of junk for me that I can't use. Now we have to find a home for almost an entire bag of clothes that we can't use. Like I don't have enough to do with my time.

Do I sound whiny and ungrateful? Maybe so, but I don't care. I have four kids, one income and lots to do. Be respectful of that.

Just Manny being Manny? Heck no.

Dear Manny~

If you asked my 8 year old daughter who her favorite Red Sox player is, she would say your name. She cried when you were traded last year. Sobbed. It was heartbreaking. Don't believe me that she loves you?
That's her on the right, wearing YOUR jersey.

Personally, I don't care if you want to screw up your life and career by using performance enhancing drugs. I do care that you're a role model for my 8 year old kid, though. I'm sure you were a role model of thousands of other children as well. Notice my use of the past tense in "were". Those kids and YOUR kids, are going to be so disappointed that their Manny made such a horrible choice. I know my daughter won't be happy when I tell her.

I will tell her. I will also tell her that while she adores you, she needs to find a new player to admire. I know people make mistakes. But you made a conscious decision to do something illegal. I want her to learn from that. I want her to admire people who are strong enough to believe in themselves and their abilities and don't require the use of illegal substances to advance in life. So thank you Manny, for screwing up. It gives me a chance to talk to my child and give her a real world lesson in what happens when you make bad decisions. I only hope she listens to me. I hope she grows up to make good, smart, strong choices. I hope she learns from you, even if it is the hard way.

Sincerely,

A Red Sox Nation Mama

The sporting child

Those of you with younger children will just have to trust me. Those of you with school aged children will just nod your head and smile. If you have a child that participates in sports (or dance, etc.) you will do the following:

1) You WILL get up at 7 on a Saturday in October to sit at the frigid soccer field.

2) You WILL take all of your children out in the torrential downpour on a Monday night to take your oldest to her next to last hockey game of the season while your husband is at a meeting.

3) You WILL buy new equipment/shoes/socks/hats/shirts every year.

4) You WILL say "ok" to your husband coaching the hockey/softball/soccer teams your kids play for.

5) You WILL cheer the loudest even if it isn't a "real" game.

You WILL do all of these things for your kids because they will score a goal/get an assist/smile at you from the rink~field~dance floor/hear you cheer them on/get a double/have fun. You WILL wish you were still in bed/not out in the pouring rain/someone else was the coach/your kid played a different sport or none at all. But those wishes will be few and far between when you have smiling kids at the end of it all.

I was not a sports kids. I never played soccer, hockey, softball, baseball. I read books and played the flute. I LOVE that my kids want to play sports. I love that my daughter complains because she only scored one goal in her hockey game. I love that they cry when the season is over because they love it so much. I love that right now it's all still about having fun and learning the game. I may have different thoughts when they get older, but for now, I'm going to keep loving being a soccer/hockey/softball Mama.