Finding Time

I had not-quite three hours to myself yesterday while Annie and Izzie were at preschool. It was the first time since Drew was born 5 1/2 years ago that I didn't have a child in my house during the school day (not counting days when Doug is home and takes them out with him; you know what I mean). Because it was my first "free" day I didn't schedule a dentist appointment or run any errands other than the post office. I didn't arrange coffee with a couple of the other preschool moms I've known for a few years; I just wanted to be in my house and see how it felt to be taking back a little of my life.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I would do anything for them. But as my daily existence is so completely intertwined with what THEY eat and THEY watch and THEY read and THEY do that I have gotten pushed to the side. My blogging time, for example, is so limited because a)it requires some brain power, b)I am constantly interrupted when I try to write or think and c)did I mention needing brain power? I can't tune out the kids when they are here so more often than not, I don't blog. Twitter on the other hand, is easier for me to manage while constantly being interrupted.

Doug called me while I was sipping coffee and asked me what I was going to do while the girls were in school. I told him "nothing". I had emptied the trash and uploaded some photos that I took of the girls yesterday, but other than that, I hung out at my computer. It was nice to actually READ a blog post instead of  getting halfway through it and needing to feed a child/wipe a bottom/break up a fight. I wasn't lonely and I wasn't sad. I was just me and it felt so good.

Once we get into the routine of the girls going to school twice a week, then I'll do more things. I'll be volunteering in Drew's class on one of those days every other week. I can go to the dentist without taking the kids with me. I can clean if I want or edit photos or scrapbook. I can read a book. I can do those things that I never find the time for while the kids are racing around the house at warp speed (like right now). I'm looking forward to a better balance of me and Mama. I think I've earned it.

Slow Down, You Move too Fast

How did we go from this

To this?

Happy first day of preschool my girlies. 

School Daze

Yesterday was the first day of school for Meg and Drew. We had a weekend of nervous tummies and cranky attitudes over the adjustment to the bus ride and meeting new people and doing new things, but yesterday morning was great. Doug stayed home with us so that he could walk down the road and put the kids on the bus too.  I was handling it all just fine until Doug asked Drew if he needed a "Kissing Hand", at which point I bawled like a baby and both kids gave me kisses on my hand to stay with me all day (if you haven't read "The Kissing Hand", do it but be warned it WILL make you cry) and I beat my husband and buried him in the woods. No, not true (the husband beating part).  Drew was quite confident, until he saw the bus coming down the road, but he got on with a smile and happily waved when the bus went back down the hill past our house.

The kids both had a great day, even though it was almost 90 degrees here yesterday and our schools don't have air conditioning. If I've learned anything from having a school aged kid for 4 years is that finding a way to let your child unwind after school is KEY to keeping your sanity. Unfortunately, I didn't FOLLOW that mantra yesterday and had a cranky son because I asked too many questions! So we'll try a different way today and see if that works!

I'm not sure how I grew such big kids though. Any ideas? In the meantime, I'm trying to adjust to having just two at home after 3 1/2 months of having them all here and finding ways to keep Annie and Izzie busy and out of trouble. I can't wait for them to head to school next week for the very first time!

In Preparation

The bus has been ridden. The teachers have been met, friends new and old have been greeted. School outfits have been chosen, cast aside, chosen again. School supplies have been delivered and backpacks are ready to be packed with homemade lunches and notes stating "I love you. Have a great first day of school".  Tension is riding a bit high around here and Meg and Drew prepare for the first day of school on Monday. We've attended the ice cream socials at both of their schools, have chatted with teachers and parents we haven't seen all summer. Books such as "Wemberely Worried" and "The Kissing Hand" have been read repeatedly to Drew, Annie and Izzie (their new adventure doesn't start until September 9th). Meg has a new desk lamp and a cork board which still needs to be hung above her desk. The traditional first-and-last-day-of-school taco dinner has been discussed and all items will be procured this weekend. The kitchen cork board has been emptied of all previous school items such as lunch menus and calendars and will be filled this weekend with reading calendars, new lunch menus. Early release dates need to be put on the calendars. A whole tote full of paperwork needs to be read and filled out, to be returned to school with the appropriate child on Monday.

Today there is a crispness in the air telling me that fall is coming. It's just around the corner. The first four days of school, however, will be hot and muggy and I'll have warm, sticky kids exiting the bus next week. But fall is coming. The cooler mornings are the telltale sign. Soon our coat rack will be filled with sweatshirts. This weekend though, we'll get haircuts and new sneakers, and maybe take one last trip to the lake on Sunday.

I think we're ready. All of us, not just me. School is such a grand adventure awaiting the kids. This school year will bring good things. I can feel it.

His Turn

When we moved to this house, it was a week before kindergarten began for Meg. It was out of our hands, of course, because when you build you are dependent upon the weather to cooperate and we had a very rainy spring that year which slowed the process down. We knew no one when we moved here, other than my husband's co-workers. No one had a child starting kindergarten. Meg was pretty much on her own.

Fortunately she met her friend B on the bus ride during Orientation and they found out they were in the same class, so she was able to have a friend on the first day of school. B's mom and I have become very good friends as well. But I've always felt bad that our decision to move put Meg in such a difficult position of having so much to adjust to so quickly. Moving, leaving her friends, starting school in a strange town. It's hard enough for adults, but asking that of a 5 year old was really just too much. She had a great kindergarten teacher who helped her adjust and learn, but it was a very long year for us all.

In one week Drew begins kindergarten. It's a completely different experience for all of us. He already knows the bus route. He knows his teacher~she is the same teacher Meg had. The two boys that live on either side of us will not only be on the bus with him, but in his class. He has plenty of friends from his preschool to see during lunch and play with on the playground. Don't get me wrong~he's a nervous little man these days and is prone to crying over everything and not sleeping enough. We understand his tantrums better now, thanks to already having a school-age child who starts to get her cranky pants on about 2 weeks before school starts. I bought several "getting ready for kindergarten" books before he left preschool and we've started reading them in earnest. He'll head off to Orientation with Doug and me on Wednesday nervous, but with a different kind of nervousness than Meg had. He'll say hi to his friends as we make our way down the hall to Room 25, the room with Clifford the Big Red Dog on the door. He's been to the school enough that he may know the way himself.

I can guarantee you that I'll be one hot mess next Monday morning when I put both my kids on the bus together, not so much because I'll be worried about them, but because I can't believe it's his turn to climb the stairs of the bus and head off to school. I'm grateful he has his big sister on the bus with him this year, to make sure he gets off at his school and that he gets back on each day. I think he'll hold his own though, after a bit of time. I can't wait to see what this year brings for him.

The Bullets are Flying Today

Bullets are in order today. It's just plain easier.

• I went to my high school reunion and had a BLAST! We walked in the door at 6:30 and back out again after 11. It was fun to see people who had no idea Doug and I were married; the look of shock was almost too much fun to resist. Two of the attendees were guys (men?) that I've known since I was 3 and 6. We got a great photo of the 3 of us together. It was also fun to watch those who, after 20 years, haven't figured out that we're supposed to have grown up. I'm ready for the next reunion, so bring it on!
• We were on "vacation" last week. Instead of doing many fun things, we spent the majority of the week dealing with our fridge, which just stopped keeping cold. Our awesome neighbors lent us a small fridge, which saved some of our food and we have a commercial freezer in the basement so we were able to save the few frozen items that didn't melt, but we still don't have a fixed fridge. It's sitting in the garage, awaiting a new compressor later this week. We do have a loaner fridge in the kitchen, and a huge scratch on the kitchen floor from the movers taking the old one out. Lucky us!
• We did manage some fun things on vacation. We took the kids to Santa's Village in New Hampshire with our good friends on Wednesday and had a great day. All four kids rode the log flume! With my bad neck, I was restricted to the merry-go-round, the train and the sky train. But I snapped 207 photos so that was good!
• Doug and I got a night away Friday night and went to Meadowbrook, which is an outdoor concert venue, to see Heart. We had great seats and saw an amazing show. Ann Wilson still sounds like she did 30 years ago!
• We're on the school countdown. Meg is heading to 4th grade and Drew to Kindergarten in 27 days; Annie and Izzie head to preschool in early September.  There is so much to do to get them all ready and I'm avoiding it all like the plague! We're still waiting for Drew's teacher assignment and the school supply lists for both of the school-age kids to arrive in the mail. It's making this Type A Mama a bit crazy. I've been busy marking down the schools' ice cream socials on the calendar and arranging childcare for the girls so we can take Drew to his orientation later this month! Hard to believe he's going to be riding the bus with Meg soon.
• I waffle daily between wanting the kids to go back to school and wanting them to just hang out in the yard playing, smelling of sunscreen and pool water and sunshine. I suppose that the days that they're driving me the most insane are the days I'm ready to ship them all off to boarding school, but when they're getting along and having fun, I want to keep them nearby and watch them over the top of my book or through my camera lens.

 So who wants to share what's new with them?

The Next Big Thing

I am not sad that Drew is going to kindergarten in September. I am not sad that Annie and Izzie will be attending preschool for 6 hours a week in September.

I'm pretty sure this makes me kind of a freak in the parenting world. Don't get me wrong. I'll cry when he gets on the bus that first day, but I know he'll be with Meg and she'll make sure he gets off the bus at his school before she heads on to hers. Annie and Izzie will be going to the same school and will be with each other, so while I'll shed a tiny tear, I'll be happy they're together to start their journey.

The reason that I'm not sad that my house will be a bit quieter in September isn't because I don't love my kids. It's not because I really want to clean my house without little hands and feet messing it up right behind me. And it's not because I just want to drink my coffee while it's hot and watch a little Today show (ok, well maybe a little of all of that because I'm only human!)

It's because the school experience is the next Big Thing. It's what I've been preparing them for since they could walk and talk. Not in overt ways like flash cards and workbooks, but in more subtle ways like reading to them and practicing letters and spelling word after word after word for them. Ways like counting rocks and and using fridge magnets to spell A-N-D-R-E-W.  Ways like giving them a hug at the door to the bus or in the doorway of school and saying "have a great day!"

I think what makes all of it easier for me is that I've been there and done that with Megan. I've put a child on the bus for the first time (and yes, I met that bus at the school and watched her walk in the door that first day). But, I've seen how she thrives in school. I know that I cannot give her what she gets from going to school every day. I feel that same way for Drew, Annie and Izzie. I believe I've given them the tools they need to start the next Big Thing. Of course I'll be here to help them if they stumble along the way, just as I've been with Meg. I'll support and encourage them, cheer their successes and wipe away their tears.

So if this makes me a freak in the parenting world, so be it. I know it's right for them, for all of us. And I can't wait to see how they spread their wings and fly.

Tightrope Walking

We're nearing the end of the school year. Sort of. Due to two hour delays and lots of days off, the school year ends on June 22nd (which is my birthday; happy birthday to me). Next year Meg will be in 3rd grade, and at a new school. In our district, our town has an elementary K-2 school, the other town also has a K-2 school, and then in 3rd grade they all go to the same school. Our rec program is for both towns, so the kids already know each other, somewhat. These kids will go all the way through high school together. I think it's pretty neat, since the city Doug and I grew up in had 6 elementary school, two middle schools and then a single high school. He and I didn't even MEET until our senior year, in Calculus.

This school year has gone really well for Meg. She had the new teacher on the block, which was worrisome at first since we knew nothing about her, but she is fabulous. Unfortunately she didn't make the budget cuts and won't be back next year and we're sad about that. Last year's issues with the GT (Gifted and Talented) teacher are gone; the new teacher has been really great for her to work with (go here if you want to know what I'm talking about). We were notified last week that actual testing for the Gifted and Talented program will be done with a recommendation from a teacher or parent, and today got a notice that Meg has been recommended for testing. We're very proud of her, and not totally surprised. She reads voraciously and I think her reading level is around fifth grade. However, we don't care one way or the other whether she actually gets into the program, as long as she continues to do well in school and still loves going.

But it's a balancing act, a tightrope walk. We want her to excel; what parent doesn't want to see their child succeed. On the other hand, she's eight years old, and we don't want to push her beyond her capabilities. We're waiting for that moment that she is willing to push herself, and we're seeing glimmers of that this year. We want her to be challenged, but not so much that school becomes a place she doesn't enjoy. She already thinks we want her to be perfect, no matter how hard we try to tell her that we just want her to to her best. That really is all we're asking for~that she does her best. We know she can do it because we've seen it.

I feel for her at times. She's the oldest, as I am, so the rules we make and the decisions we make must seem so arbitrary to her; I know I sometimes thought that my parents were flying by the seat of their pants. She's our guinea pig if you will, our test subject. Sometimes we're walking blind, throwing things out there that we hope stick because it's all we have at that moment. We do everything we do in hopes that she'll grow up happy and healthy, but that doesn't always mean we're doing it right. We're just doing our best and we hope it sticks.

More Twists and Turns

A couple of days ago I posted about my turn as "that parent" (and honestly, if I could figure out how to link it here, I would, really). The story takes another interesting twist.

After the G&T teacher emailed me detailing what is keeping Megan out of the program, which was basically her inability to consistently go "above and beyond" in her work, I opted to just let things go. Doug and I talked, and while we agree with some of what the teacher said, we weren't going to fight the system just yet. After all, she is 7 and just figuring out the whole school thing and what is expected of her. So, when she came bombing off the bus this afternoon with a grin THIS wide, I knew something was up. Sure enough, she got asked to go with the group to the G&T teacher today. WTF? Either she is, or isn't, in the group. Not sometimes, but it's got to be either all or nothing. Now Meg doesn't know of my correspondence to this woman, but her teacher does. Maybe her teacher decided that it was time to have her try again. But HELLO! I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be kept in the loop. Why now? Because I complained, or because all of a sudden they feel she's ready? I just don't get it. I wasn't about to burst her bubble so I just asked her if she was happy to go, and of course she was. She even brought home the project they made, with instructions for parents. Oh, and get this. The letter and instructions had missing words. From the Gifted and Talented Teacher! OMG! That was the first thing I noticed when I took the paper out of her backpack. Now I know that I'm in backwoods Maine here, but come on! I'm sure there will be more to tell of this tale.

Why I need more coffee.

Our house saga continues. Ok, it's not so much a saga anymore. We're still dealing with the tenant issues~the loads of junk they left had to be stored and we had to send them a letter telling them that they have 14 days to come get it. Yes, we actually had to do that by law before we could toss it. Rather than risk a lawsuit in case we tossed something of "heirloom" quality, we complied. LOVE knowing lawyers who help me out. We had a neighbor with a lawn business clean up the yard (as the tenants never even bothered to rake the leaves!), our friendly painter repainted the most heinous rooms, and we had a cleaning service come last week to clean the rugs and the kitchen and bathroom (thank you Mom and Dad). Our open house on Sunday yielded a prospective tenant/buyer, and we have decided to work with her. She loves the house, her two kids love the house, and being there allows her kids to stay in their current schools come fall. I am hoping in the next several months to report that we're under contract to sell the home to her. That is our common goal, so I am breathing a little bit easier about it.

I became "that parent" yesterday. You know the one I mean. The one that the teachers cringe at because you take an interest in your child's eduation. The one that wants the best for her child and wants answers when it seems that isn't happening. But, sometimes you have to be "that parent". Megan has been evaluated on and off this year by the Gifted and Talented teacher at her school. We were not informed of this prior to her first meeting last fall. I don't know how many times Megan saw this particular woman before she even mentioned it to me very off-hand in the car one day. I didn't even know there was a Gifted and Talented teacher at the school. But anyway, I emailed Meg's teacher about it back then to see what the scoop was, and was happy to hear that they thought Meg warranted the evaluations. I mean, what parent wouldn't be excited? And of course we think she's incredibly smart and we're not at all biased (cough cough). Then one day Meg came home crying because the work with the teacher was hard and she didn't finish it. She told me she felt stupid. How do you explain to a 7 year old that they aren't stupid? That they just need to try, and all we ask is that they try? The invitations to work with the G&T teacher stopped coming after that. We were a bit frustrated, but what can you do about it? Then last week, the G&T teacher came to Meg's class to work with her G&T group individually and had Megan read to her. She told Meg that maybe she could come again this week (yesterday). No invite yesterday, again. Meg didn't say anything, but I could sense she was sad. So, I emailed the teacher. I wasn't harsh, just concerned that she is toying with my child. Her response to me today was quick. I won't bore you with the details of her response. Now I have some thinking to do. Do I let sleeping dogs lie, get Meg through the rest of first grade, and not make an issue out of it? Or do I push them to give her another chance, because I think she's matured over the course of the year? It's a hard issue for me, because I loved to learn (until I went to law school and it beat the love of learning out of me) and I want her to love it too. I want her to try her hardest and be proud of her work. She is of course only in first grade and maybe in another year she'll be a bit more mature and understand more of this. Sometimes I think I push too hard, and other times I think that I baby her too much. I don't know where to draw the line. And of course having three other children who need me means that I can't give her the 150% attention that she wants. Oh what fun this will be when all 4 of them are in school.

I am supposed to be working on my big scrapbooking day for Saturday. I have 13 customers coming to scrapbook. I am not at all ready. I have been spending what free time I have playing baseball with Drew, or hanging out with the babies, or going to softball games, or stressing about the other home. Nothing like waiting until the last minute to do things. I'm sure it will pull itself all together, but since my plan was to be all ready by now, I'm a little freaked out.

On the upside, Izzie was better this morning. She ate and drank and didn't cry the minute I put her in the living room. Hooray!

A change of scenery. It does a mind good. (UPDATE)

I am in a better place today. No, not Cabo or Rome, but mentally in a better place. I've never been to Cabo, but I've been to Rome and I would like to go back. I digress (I do that quite often).

Took Drew to school this morning so he could go on a field trip. Without. Me. His school was going to the Planetarium for a little show about rockets and space. Normally, I would chaperon a school trip, as parents have to drive the kids (this is a tiny in-home preschool, so no bus). But, my MIL had cataract surgery Tuesday and Doug is swamped at work, so I had to let him go with someone else. I am counting the minutes until he comes home. I am certain he will be a total PITA this afternoon, but at least he'll be with me. He's only 3. I teared up leaving the school. I am such a sap. (Field trip update. Drew did not watch ONE BIT of Rusty the Rocket's Last Blast. NOT ONE BIT. The lights went out and he started to cry. For his Mama. His poor teacher stayed with him in the hallway for the entire show. Maybe next year. Sigh.)

So, the girls and I went to Walmart. I HATE, LOATHE, DESPISE Walmart. Alas, Target is 25 minutes away on the turnpike and Walmart is 10 minutes from here. So, not hard to determine where I was going. We had to get a gift for Meg to take to a birthday party. We weren't there long, but it was so good to get out of the house. While we waited in line to pay, I was quietly observing the mother in front of me. She had 5 kids. I am guessing she homeschooled them, because 3 of the 5 looked old enough to be in school. One of the kids in the shopping cart was screaming to get out. All I could think of was "is that what we look like when we go out?" When it was time for the cashier to ring me up, she commented on how quiet Annie and Izzie were being in their stroller (because of course Walmart does NOT MAKE shopping carts that can seat two). Then she said "at least you don't have 5 like she did", to which I replied, "well, I do have 2 more at school" and she got all panicky. And then I got the typical "I just don't know how you do it". I think that people who say that to me should be prepared for the earful I want to give them: "I cry, often. I yell, often. I eat too many snacks. I don't often get out. I am cranky 99.9% of the time." Instead, I just nodded and smiled. Because I was out of my house. A change of scenery. It does a mind good.