Twenty Years? Really?

I made a last minute decision to attend my 20th high school reunion this Saturday night. Twenty years. It's a prospect that both thrills me and makes me want to curl in the fetal position and suck my thumb. I originally replied "no" to the Facebook invite. Doug and I attended our 10th back when I was pregnant with Meg. We see people here and there; after all we did live for 4 years in the town we grew up in and not everyone ran screaming for the hills and moved away. My father routinely makes fun of me for coming back to Maine because when I left for college in New York I swore I was never coming home.

High school was, for me, a difficult time. I was smart. I played in the band. I was always an outsider, even within my own group of friends. I cared what people thought of me and took it very hard that I was never well liked. I was happy to leave high school and its issues behind.  You know, until I met, fell in love with and eventually married a boy from the football team. Ahem.

So the reunion just didn't have any pull for me, even though some of my old friends were going to be there and I hadn't seen them in many years. I got a disappointed email from one of my oldest friends (we met in 7th grade) expressing disappointment that I wasn't on the guest list. I can't remember the last time I saw him and I felt really bad saying we weren't coming. Doug could care less whether we go or not. He doesn't care one lick about what people think of him. He is perfectly content with who he is and what he has in life. (Did I just say "one lick"?) I would give my kingdom for a sliver of his attitude.

Monday I got an email from my friend Brooke saying she was contemplating coming to the reunion and was I going. I said no, but as we chatted back and forth on Monday I felt like I should go. We weren't close in high school but she was always nice to me and we've become better friends through our blogs. I haven't seen her since our graduation. I arranged a babysitter for Saturday night and voila~Doug and I are attending the reunion. Brooke will be there as well and I am beyond excited to see her again.

I can honestly say that I am horribly nervous for this reunion. I am not good with large groups now that I spend 95% of my time at home with my kids. Most people that we have seen don't recognize me at all, but everyone knows Doug. I am glad he's going with me because I'm pretty certain I wouldn't go alone. If this were my college reunion, I'd have no problem packing up and heading to New York, solo. I loved college and if my friends (I'm looking at you Nettie) would consider attending a reunion one of these years I would be there with bells on even though it always conflicts with my wedding anniversary. Bells. On. This reunion causes me to revert to my 14 to 17 year old self and I don't want that. I want to have fun. So I will.

Neglectful

Hello? Is this thing on? Anyone out there? Anyone? Bueller?

Well this poor blog has been seriously neglected this summer. So has the laundry, the piles of paper that need sorting and about a dozen other things.  Dishes get done just before Doug gets home so it looks like I've done something other than sit with a book while the kids play in their pool. Weekends are full of family time, with a little me time thrown in there lately, and all the things I meant to do keep getting pushed back further and further. At least I remember to pay the bills on time!

I've missed writing about the kids. They've only driven me partially insane this summer, with Annie and Izzie unleashing their inner Picasso on their bedroom walls and the way the four kids fight over dumb things like who made the mess in the playroom.  As a family we've done some fun things and I've had my camera with me every time but I think the photos are still on the card and not even on the computer. How pathetic is that?

So I'll try to be less neglectful of the blog. I'll try to write more and share photos of the kids. But maybe first I should fold some laundry and put it away.

Missing Him

Doug has been working on site in Portland for a couple of months now. This project is winding down, but then he's going to another one in another town. He leaves every day at 6:30. Some days I barely open my eyes to say goodbye to him. Some days the kids aren't up yet (but most days they are). Some nights he's home at 10, some at 7. If the crews are working, he has to be there, even if they're just digging, digging, digging.

I know the kids miss him. They literally start acting up the minute he closes his Explorer door and drives down the driveway. They yell "Doodles" and come running to hug him. They climb all over him, fighting for space on his lap. They interrupt each other just to tell him a little thing about their day.

I miss him too. We have so very little time together as just us. We have to carve out adult time from family time, which is already so small that we can't stand it. We're going to see Heart in concert in New Hampshire in two weeks, and that seems years away. We've arranged to have our parents each take a pair of kids so that we can go early, walk around, see the show and stay overnight. It's so very little time together, so we have to let it fill us up and enjoy it.

I may not always be very nice to him, because I'm tired and crabby from caring for our very demanding kids all day, but I really  hope he knows how much I love him.

This week

So far this week I have:

Done a zillion loads of laundry

Yelled way too much

Turned the air conditioners on and off and wished I'd had my father-in-law install the central air when we built this house

Cleaned crayon off every reachable spot in Annie's and Izzie's room

Forced the kids to box up their toys that they refuse to put away

Been unable to grocery shop because my kids fight too damn much

Let my kids watch 30 minutes of tv and then dealt with the aftermath for 25 minutes

Ate Cocoa Puffs for dinner at 10pm Tuesday night when Doug finally got home

Put first aid ointment on scratches on Annie's faces inflicted by Izzie (again)

Haven't taken a single photo

Haven't downloaded the photos I took over the long weekend

Haven't put fresh water in the kids' pool or let them go outside (much too hot)

Wished I was anywhere but here

Really hoping next week is better