When we just had one child, all those many years ago, she got so much attention that I would classify her as spoiled. Maybe more like SPOILED. She had sleepovers with her grandparents, both sets, every other week starting at like 6 months, for a couple of years. She didn't have to share anything at home with anyone, and she basically ruled the roost. For four years.
Even when Drew was born, despite Meg's need for 100% attention, we were able to play man to man and both of our children got the attention they needed. When Drew was napping, Meg and I played or read or watched tv together. At night, Doug gave her her bath or sometimes read to her. I was able to take both kids out somewhere without too much trouble. I was living the high life.
My life is all about the zone defense now. With four very mobile children with NEEDS and WANTS and dirty diapers (ok, not all of them), I have to deal with the most pressing issues at the moment. The child with the runny nose is going to get more attention than the child who wants to chat with me. The child who has fallen down the stairs is going to take precedence over the child who is talking about loving trash. When all four of them are in crisis at the same time, which happens a LOT here, my initial instincts are to deal with the twins because they're smaller, and in my mind, more fragile. I can tell you that this methodology has elicited comments from Meg to the tune of "no one pays attention to me here". It's heartbreaking.
I envy those parents who have help every day. I would love to give each of my children individual attention, every single day. However, that just doesn't happen here. Annie and Izzie get royally screwed in the attention department. They nap at the same time, and during their nap I do chores and try to give Drew some attention. I try to read to Meg every single night. It is the only time of the day that we get together. Annie and Izzie share my attention. I try to talk with each of them a bit separately, but that doesn't always work well, since they essentially do everything together.
I really don't know where I was going with this post. I miss being able to focus on one thing, or one child, for more than a minute or two.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
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8 comments:
I feel like that and I only have two.
I know you're doing a great job though.
Bottom line is, you love them all and they know that. You're just feeling that "mom guilt" that ALL of us have, for various reasons.
Aww, BIG HUGS!!!!
I can't imagine you stretched you must feel, but it sounds like you are doing a great job giving them each a little bit of you. My question is, when is your time? :-)
i agree, it does sound like, miraculously, you are able to give each of them SOME one on one time. of course right now it can't be more, but there will come a day when the twins are older and NEED less and you will be able to focus on each of them one on one. it may not seem like it now, but it will get better. and, for the record, you're doing A LOT better than many people i know with fewer kids.
Yes, that is EXACTLY what it is like!! Moreso for you, with twins, I'm sure.
You do a great job though. And your kids will realize and love you more for it some day.
I struggle with this too. Most weekdays are an exercise in efficiency. By the time we get home from work/daycare/school, there's only a couple of hours to get all the dinner/homework/snuggles/baths in. One-on-one time is rare - I'm definitely doing the zone defense. But, when we do get one-on-one time, it's really awesome, both for me and the kids.
Phew! Zone tactics make me feel stressed out just thinking about them. The logistics of more than two kids would probably make me feel guilty about 90% of the time. I think you're doing a great job, and all your kids are obviously balanced and happy, so you should be proud. and tired. and proud.
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