Keeping Quiet

I've started a dozen posts in my head, but none have even made it to the "draft" stage on the blog. Life is moving along, some days quickly (like Monday) and other days are just so....long and boring. I guess boring is the wrong word when you're the Mama of four kids though. How about long and tedious? Yes, that's better.

I think the hardest thing about writing blog posts is that I use other social media like Twitter and Facebook so I feel very much like I'm repeating myself, or that I have nothing really to say. I have plenty I want to say, but some of it is not my place to blog about and other things are just so....annoying to blog about, like the kids constantly fighting. I mean really, who cares, right? Kids fight. But that is the extent of my daily existence, so instead of blogging, I keep quiet.

Keeping quiet is a double-edged sword for me. There are things I want to blog about but choose not to because they are too personal in nature. There are things I want to blog about but choose not to because I am afraid to say what I'm thinking. I'm afraid to say some things because putting them out there makes them real, but keeping quiet means they're just floating around in my head and that is a safer place for them. Doug reads this blog. I think it would be pretty awful if he read something that I blogged about that I'd never mentioned to him.

Having this blog means that I have to pick and choose what aspect of myself to show my "audience". Lately that is becoming more difficult for me to do. I was never sure of the direction of my blog when I started it just over two years ago. I don't know where I want to go from here with it, either. My blog is certainly about more than just my kids because I am about more than just my kids (although at times it does NOT feel that way). And there's the issue. Maybe I need a new blog name. Maybe I need to be more comfortable in my own skin, which will allow me to write what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking.

Am I the only person who feels this way?
Should I stop blogging?
Should I change my blog name?
Thoughts? Suggestions? Vodka?

Easier

The other night we took the kids out to dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant. Other than the normal issues of trying to get four kids cleaned up and out the door, it was a relatively easy adventure. We are no longer encumbered by car seats or strollers or even high chairs. The girls can get in and out of their booster seats in the car (after being unstrapped of course), and walk in holding our hands. We don't have to bring a diaper bag, or sippy cups, or even bibs. Granted we make several trips to the bathroom for "potty breaks" but that's not much of a hardship. We don't need to feed the girls; we just hand them their quesadillas, fries and their drinks and they handle it pretty much themselves. It's a whole different world from when they were tiny and I was convinced that it would never get easier.

While we were eating I happened to catch a glimpse of a man walking into the restaurant carrying two infant car seats. Twins. The mother came along with another child who was younger than the girls. I felt a pang of relief when I saw them. Relief because I had been that mother, but wasn't anymore. Relief because while things are different now that the girls are older, they are, in a way, easier. Things will continue to get easier as the girls get older. I have my moments when I feel like things are so difficult, and then I see parents with very young twins and I know that I have it so much easier than they do. I wanted to run over to that couple and tell them that it's not always going to be so difficult, but of course I restrained myself. I'm sure people told me that life with multiples would eventually get easier, but it was hard to believe them during the dual nursing sessions, the constant diaper changes, the seemingly endless nights. So while my days now are full of "me do it Mama," I know that it's so much easier than it used to be and that this too shall pass.

I Heart Faces "Angles"

It's another photo challenge at I Heart Faces and this week's theme is Angles (which of course I read as "angels" and was all confused at first).

I took this photo ages ago, before I had a new camera. My kids are in the photo, as are my three nieces and my nephew. I rarely take photos looking down, so this one was fun.

There's nothing technically special about the photo, other than the fun the kids were having (well, except the twins who were totally oblivious to what was happening). Note: My nieces wearing the "Nick is Dreamy" shirts made those for their friend from home, but it also happens to be my nephew's name, which made the wearing of them all the more hysterical.

I can't wait to see the other photos this week! Head to www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com to check out the fun!

I Heart Faces "Bundled Up"

Even though it's pouring outside right now and we don't have much snow left, I wanted to enter this week's I Heart Faces "Bundled Up" contest. I took this picture back in January when we still had FEET of snow in the yard (we live in Maine where feet of snow are the norm). Doug had taken the kids down our driveway to slide and I followed later with the camera. It's rare to get photos of Annabelle and Isabelle hugging, so I couldn't resist catching this one when Annabelle snagged Isabelle from behind:

Go check out the other entries over at I Heart Faces!

I Remember When

I remember when Friday nights were "date night". Doug and I would come home from our respective jobs, change into our "weekend clothes" and go out to dinner. Date night now involves trying to find someone to watch our four kids and then lamenting how much dinner and a babysitter cost these days;

I remember when I had "weekend clothes";

I remember when I slept past 6 am;

I remember when I didn't have a cell phone or Twitter or this blog or Facebook or even the internet;

I remember when I could talk on the phone for hours with friends without interruptions;

I remember when my kids were born and how amazed I was that "I" created such gorgeous babies;

I remember when my grocery bill was under $100;

I remember life before diapers;

I remember telling Doug I wanted four kids;

I remember having a cleaning schedule for my apartments and how neat and orderly I used to be;

I remember being able to spell words to Doug that I didn't want the kids to know;

I remember being able to listen to my alternative rock music in the car because no one listened to the music;

I remember owning more than one pair of shoes;

I remember our first apartment, our first house, our second house, our final house;

I remember weekends without softball or hockey, nights without piano music from my 9 year old filling the house and days without kids drawing on my walls with pencil.

I remember it all. And while there are so many things I miss, I wouldn't trade anything for the life I have with my husband and kids.

Weekend happiness

Our weekend was busy but so nice. We spent Friday night and most of Saturday doing this:

That is the referee checking Meg's jersey number because she scored a GOAL!!! Three for the entire weekend!

My kid is so darn TALL!

The boy and his dad

He's finally got some speed

And then we got to do this because it was 50 degrees. In Maine. In Winter.

This photo of Annie cracks me up. She started jumping just as I took the photo!

It was a great weekend.

Extraordinary

Yesterday was just an ordinary Tuesday. We put Meg on the bus to go to school, puttered around, then headed to a friend's house for a playdate for a couple of hours. We came home, had lunch with Doug, and the kids played/whined/fought until we walked down to get Meg from the bus (a first since last fall). The late afternoon and early evening were a mixture of homework, piano practice, tv, dinner, reading. All the usual stuff.

In the mix of all that ordinary were tiny little extraordinary things that made me happy. Like Drew getting the girls boots and coats ready for them before we went to his friend's house and instead of yelling "no me do it MYSELF" they said "thank you Drewie". Like Annie running up to me later in the day, throwing her arms around me legs and saying "me love you Mama". Like Meg grabbing my hand and holding it the entire way home from the bus stop. Like watching all four kids run around like crazy fools after a bit too much Valentine candy after dinner.

Much of my time is spent dealing with the ordinary~cleaning cat boxes, doing laundry, refereeing fights, taking and picking children up from school. But when the little bits of extraordinary are thrown in there it adds a spark to my step and warmth to my heart. I wonder what extraordinary things today will bring?

"Tween" big and little

I am the parent of a tween. Apparently a tween is aged 9-12, and I am the parent of one. Um, holy crap. A tween. A girl tween. Hold me. Or send me a padded room (for me, not her).

Ahem.

A tween isn't a little girl anymore. But a tween isn't a big girl either. So she's stuck in the middle, too big for little girl things, and not quite big enough for big girl things. Which puts us in the position of trying to make the best decision for her so that she doesn't feel like we're treating her like a baby and also that we aren't expecting too much out of a 9 year old.

Case in point: softball and hockey. She has played minor league softball for 2 years, which makes her quite the veteran. She misses the cutoff to try out for major league softball by one month. We've asked the VP of softball for our league to see if she can get a waiver to at least try out for majors and are waiting on an answer. Now normally we wouldn't even have questioned the decision, but the kid is a good player. She needs to be with older kids that have the experience and can make her an even better player. To stay in minors with first year players (who are 7) could potentially discourage her from playing. We'll see how that all plays out.

Hockey is another story. This weekend is her final weekend as a Mite, and next year we have two choices for her: Squirts (with boys like she's always done) and all girls (from ages 9-14). After Squirts, she needs to play on the all girl team as I don't believe that girls are allowed to play PeeWee, where they teach checking (in ice hockey, girls do NOT check as it's not allowed under the rules). In this case, we are totally unsure where to place her in the fall. At first, we (ok, I) really wanted to put her on the girls team since she'd eventually end up there if she continued playing. But as I've thought more about it, I'm leaning toward making her a Squirt for the next two years, and it has (almost) nothing to do with gender, but more to do with age. Squirts are all 9 and 10 years old. She'll be with her peers, even if some of them are much better than she is, and some aren't as good. I worry that putting her on the all girl team could put undue pressure on her to be as good as the 14 year olds. I also worry because quite frankly, girls are mean, and putting a 9 year old with much older girls could be potentially more stressful than we'd like. We've asked Meg what she'd like to do and she's unsure at this time. At least we have some time to figure it all out.

I figure if I survive parenting one tween I'll be golden when I have to do it all over again with the twins. Either that, or I'll have gone completely over the edge trying to figure out what's the best thing to do for Meg and the girls will have to fend for themselves.