Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Keeping Quiet

I've started a dozen posts in my head, but none have even made it to the "draft" stage on the blog. Life is moving along, some days quickly (like Monday) and other days are just so....long and boring. I guess boring is the wrong word when you're the Mama of four kids though. How about long and tedious? Yes, that's better.

I think the hardest thing about writing blog posts is that I use other social media like Twitter and Facebook so I feel very much like I'm repeating myself, or that I have nothing really to say. I have plenty I want to say, but some of it is not my place to blog about and other things are just so....annoying to blog about, like the kids constantly fighting. I mean really, who cares, right? Kids fight. But that is the extent of my daily existence, so instead of blogging, I keep quiet.

Keeping quiet is a double-edged sword for me. There are things I want to blog about but choose not to because they are too personal in nature. There are things I want to blog about but choose not to because I am afraid to say what I'm thinking. I'm afraid to say some things because putting them out there makes them real, but keeping quiet means they're just floating around in my head and that is a safer place for them. Doug reads this blog. I think it would be pretty awful if he read something that I blogged about that I'd never mentioned to him.

Having this blog means that I have to pick and choose what aspect of myself to show my "audience". Lately that is becoming more difficult for me to do. I was never sure of the direction of my blog when I started it just over two years ago. I don't know where I want to go from here with it, either. My blog is certainly about more than just my kids because I am about more than just my kids (although at times it does NOT feel that way). And there's the issue. Maybe I need a new blog name. Maybe I need to be more comfortable in my own skin, which will allow me to write what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking.

Am I the only person who feels this way?
Should I stop blogging?
Should I change my blog name?
Thoughts? Suggestions? Vodka?


AndreAnna said...

If you feel like you get most of your social connection through facebook and twitter, use that for that. If there are things you want to say outside of social media that you want private, I say start a private blog.

Suz said...

@AndreAnna That's exactly what I was going to say. I've been thinking the same thing. If the blog direction is going introspective, and it's just my private thoughts, I'll make a private one just for me. Maybe I can see some personal growth over the years? But I won't feel like I've raked anyone over the coals publicly or scandalized my family either. But do keep posting about your family/kid stuff. I like it.

Brooke Brown said...

please don't stop blogging! :) love being connected to you this way. i agree - maybe you have a private/password-protected blog for close friends to read/offer encouragement, confirmation, or a laugh (if you want others to read it at all).

Robyn said...

I feel everything that you wrote about. I have been holding WAY back since discovering that my sister reads my blog. I've thought about going "undercover" and starting anew, but just haven't done it yet.

Don't worry - I'd tell you where I went!

Anonymous said...

My family reads my blog. In the beginning, I was okay with it because it was mostly about Morgan. As that direction shifted, I started finding myself uncomfortable with writing certain things. So, I didn't.

I realize that? Is insanity! It's MY space. I should be able to write what I want and people that read it should a) accept it's my space and my right to write what I want and b) know they have the option to NOT read it.

Don't stop blogging. Please? I say keep this blog--name and everything--for the kids. Blog about what Meg's sports or Drew's interests and what they twins are up to. Family will love it and it's a place for you to look back in a few years and see/read what your kids were like (and for them,too!).

Start a different blog that's YOUR space.

creative kerfuffle said...

first off, don't quit blogging. second, even though my blog is anon i often feel like i'm letting my "audience" down w/ my posts and lose sight of the fact that i started it as an online journal. that's usually when i stop posting for awhile. i like reading about what you and the kids are up to, even on the days when you're going crazy and things aren't great.

Thia said...

Taking a blogging break isn't a bad thing. Sometimes that helps. My other addition is that your posts have been very helpful to me. You remind me that the craziness in my own house is normal and that I am not alone. And some days, that is the lifeline that gets me to my bed at night.

Amy said...

I hope you don't stop blogging! :(

I think what you're feeling is to be expected. It's fun to have people read what you write, but you're right, you can't always be completely forthcoming.

I was feeling the same way about my blog; that it was all about the kids, sleep, what to feed them, etc... Since I started blogging again (just a week ago!), I decided to blog about whatever I felt like...not just the kids. Problem is...everything kind of revolves around the kids.

I love reading your blog!