Sunday, September 14, 2008

Friends: Lost and Found

I am not particularly good at making friends. I have a few friends, some of whom have been friends for a very long time. And I have some new friends too that I really like. Given that I have four kids and I don't get out often, they are incredibly tolerant of my schedule and are willing to come to me for visits. For that I am grateful.

I ran into someone who used to be my friend last night. Our husbands play hockey together, and it was family night at the semifinal game. While it was nice to see her, it was awkward and sad for me. She and I were incredibly good friends. Her youngest daughter is only 3 months older than Meg and the girls were inseparable. We lived in the same neighborhood; actually, that is why we bought our house there. Our families spent a ton of time together. But a few years ago, she stopped returning my phone calls to have the girls play together or just to chat. I kept trying for quite a while, but finally stopped making the effort to call. Walking away from a friendship is not something I do easily. I have really only done it twice before, and am still sad about those. Seeing her last night stirred up memories of the good times we used to have. Her daughter wouldn't even talk to Meg and Meg seemed sad too. I don't look at this situation as a "what did I do wrong" kind of a situation. I know that she turned away from me, not the other way around. Still, it's sad when relationships just fade away like that.

I've found new friends though. They're here, on the internet, through this blog. Only one of my readers is a friend in real life (she is my oldest and dearest friend), but soon I'll be meeting a couple of bloggers and I'm really looking forward to that. I email or chat with a few bloggers and it's fun. It's a different kind of friendship, the one I've formed through my blog. There is something about the tiny bit of anonymity that we have when we write. Even though I don't use fictitious names, I can't say that I let everything about me come out thru my writing. I've said before I don't write about everything. I leave my marriage out of my blog for the most part, and I hate talking about money or politics or things like that. I suppose some of my hesitation to reveal so much is that fear of getting hurt; what if I say something and people stop reading? What if I say just the wrong thing and my friends inadvertently get hurt? That said, I do know that I have new friends and ones that I am so happy to have. They help me when I'm down, they encourage me, they make me smile. And for that, I'm grateful.

12 comments:

Karly said...

Losing friends is so hard. I don't really keep in touch with any of my old friends...we're all so different now. :(

AndreAnna said...

I feel closer to some of you "blog" friends than I do to some people in my "real"life. (Can you tell I hate using those terms)

I, too, leave a lot out of the public forum, but feel I share more when people get to know me, through email or chat, gifts and letters...

Making friends is easy. Making good friends is hard.

Marie Green said...

I am a very loyal person, so ended relationships are very hard for me. Perhaps this is why I love facebook so much- I get to "see" what all the people that used to be so important in my life are up to.

Blogging IS a different way to "make" friends, but rewarding none-the-less. Hurray for that!

Heidi said...

That is a hard thing. I have had 2 friends that I have walked away from, it took many years but somehow both have come back into my life and we have talked about our differences.
PS. thanks for stopping by my place, and yes my little guy is 20 months too, already out of the crib, the stairs and outside all on his own. He's nuts!

Astarte said...

The first woman I met when I moved here, Erin, had a daughter in Josie's class. We spent Halloween, New Year's and Valentines' Day together as families. We had a wonderful time. Suddenly, she stopped speaking to me, and a few weeks later Josie came home from school crying because Erin's daughter had told her that she could never come to her house again. To this day, I have no idea why. I called and apologized to her answering machine that day, saying that I hadn't been the same since we had lost our nephew and then our dog in recent months, but I was sorry if I had said something that had upset her. No response. I was devastated. I later found out from other parents that she's done this to other people, and that she's basically mentally ill. I took me until just recently to forgive her, over a year after the whole event. People can be so... shockingly cold. It took me a long time to want to make another friend up here after that happened.

I'm glad we've met through the big 'I'! Also, I'm totally kicking your ass at Scramble! :)

Samantha said...

I'm sort of going through the same thing right now. One of my best friends from High School, I always feel like I'm the one that writes to her or calls her. She barely ever returns my call, she always has an excuse of why she can't get together. This really frustrates me and I believe is a small part of the depression that I'm going through right now. But, what can you do? You can only try and do so much and it really makes you see who your true friends are.
We are lucky to be able to have blogging friends who are there to listen and to relate.

Di said...

I hope you're feeling better. I've had a couple of missteps with friends, and I've never gotten over it. One was 7 years ago, and I'm still wondering what happened!

Anonymous said...

OK, OK! I guess I need to come visit! I am a real life friend, and I read the blog! :)

I miss seeing you everyday, I'll bring Nicky up for a visit if you are up to it!
Tracy

CassJustCurious said...

I have a very small handful of friends that I see even occasionally - most of my friends are online...I think back to life before my blog and you and AndreAnna and I feel a little sad....I was so lonely. I am so lucky to have found this forum and these friends.

creative kerfuffle said...

very cool that you're getting to meet some of your blog friends irl.
andreanna hit the nail on the head--making friends is easy, making good friends is hard. i've recently gone through a thing where i thought i was good friends w/ someone and then we had an argument and she totally reverted to being a child. i'm often guilty of making excuses for how someone treats me as a friend until i get burned.
i've made a few cool online friends too though and i think it's great.

Robyn said...

I feel the exact same way about my IRL friends and my blog friends. Although, the line is definitely beginning to become more blurred between the two.

Even though there is a certain amount of anonymity in the blogging world, I think it's easy to tell who's telling their real stories and who is throwing stuff out there to keep a big audience and be entertaining.

I've liked you from the first time I read your blog because you're REAL. I love that you complain about your kids and don't pretend to be the perfect mother.

Mike said...

People diss "internet friends" but they are actually great. In time I think no one will view them any differently than traditional friends.