Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. We sang that song as a kid and it's supposed to be true, right? RIGHT? Ummm. Not. So. Much.

This morning while waiting for the bus to come, Meg told me that her friend Abby called me fat. I asked Meg what she said to her, and she told me that she told Abby I was. not. fat. And I thanked her for standing up for me. Then while pretending to wipe a black fly out of my eye, I wiped away tears. Because I was proud of my daughter for standing up for me, but sad that what her friend said was pretty true.

Ok, so overweight is a word I'd rather use, but I suppose that 7 year olds don't think in such PC terms. I've always had a problem with my weight. I weighed barely 17 pounds at age one, which is unheard of these days (only Izzie weighed less than 20lbs at her year check up), but once I got older, weight was an issue for me. I am not athletic. I was a musician in high school and in college. I would rather sit and read or blog or scrapbook than exercise. I am well aware of this. I am also well aware that if I make an effort, I CAN lose weight. I am a Lifetime Member at Weight Watchers (if you've never done WW, a Lifetime Member is someone who gets to their goal weight, and maintains it for 6 weeks without going more than 2lbs over) and I've lost the weight more than once. But I get lazy I guess and stop paying attention. It's not that I get cocky, because I know how easily I put weight back on. Lazy is a good word to describe it. While I'm busy doing dishes and laundry and changing diapers, I don't get outside to do much other than water plants and hit the ball with Drew. I don't take the girls for a walk in the stroller right now because it's black fly season and those bites hurt. But I bought a treadmill and an IPod for a reason and I guess it's time to get back in the basement in the morning instead of pretending that I didn't hear the alarm and Doug telling me that it's 6am if I want to go walk. Because if my daughter's 7 year old friend thinks I'm overweight, I'm sure that's how I look to other people too. And while I'll try to tell you that I don't care what other people think, I do. Words sometimes hurt more than sticks and stones.


Auntie Nettie said...

Ah Krippy,

Don't pay too much attention to the 7 year old. We love YOU! Unfortunately, she's just spewing all the crap that the stupid fashion industry has created. In another century or even a modern culture, we would be REVERED as GODDESSES! Body image and perception is all subjective. In fact, I finally realized the other day, looking at a photo of me when I was that 7 year olds' age, that my body dismorphia started at ... ready for this ... 5 or 6!! 5 or 6 freaking years old and I thought I was FAT and I wasn't then! So that's over 30 (ahem) years of body issues, not helped at all by my mother's many ongoing commentaries or the fashion industry. As long as you are comfortable, it's not a health issue, you can find clothes to wear, and your husband loves you, it's okay. Remember, we love you for you!

(Also, the Moosh has some lovely entries all about these subjects.)

the girl who was called Shamu by her brothers and as you can tell, ain't quite over it either.

Creative Kerfuffle said...

K--one more thing we have in common : ) i've battled the weight thing since time began. i too would rather read/blog poke my eyes out than do something that might involve sweating. every once in awhile i get comfortable in my skin again and then see a picture of myself and think WTF who is THAT? so, i'm right there with you. but yay for your daughter sticking up for you.

Cass said...

Sending you a hug. Nothing fun about this at all. I am all capital letters SENSITIVE lately and I know that being pregnant that I should just drop the body issues but it's just not that easy.

AndreAnna said...

Woman, you have FOUR kids. You need to cut yourself some slack. I'm sure you are beautiful, and coming from someone who weights over 300 pounds at one point, if you lost it once , you can do it again.

And I'm proud that your daughter stood up for you!

I don't tolerate any kind of intolerance around me - towards race, size, sexuality - NOTHING. And is someone says something demeaning in my presence, I usually tell them to shut the you-know-what up. And I'm sure my kids will be like that too. People are people. And I want my kids to learn that.

Thia said...

A few days ago, dh and I took the kids down to the park. As I watched my kids play, I also watched the other mothers with their children. These women mostly had one child (with them at least) and were all skinny and in shape again after this child. They were wearing clothes that flattered their figures very nicely. I was standing there in my maternity overalls feeling like a whale watching my two kids play knowing that I didn't have time to tone up between them really and I didn't have the time between 2 and this third one. I felt horrible about myself. It doesn't help when my three year old tells me I have a big butt. So, you are, most definitely, not alone.
I will encourage you to get on the machine you have when you can, not to lose the weight, but to do something you can feel good about, something for you! B/c you're worth it. It's cliched, but it's true. Hugs.

Heather said...

awwwww...that sucks, I'm sorry. I was planning on doing a blog post about weight today, you read my mind.

I didn't gain a lot of weight when I was pregnant, for reasons you know about. But my dad said to me, "well, you didn't need to gain much, you gained all your baby weight BEFORE you got pregnant!"

Ouch. I hope he didn't mean it the way it sounded. But to this semi-reformed crash dieter, that cut to the core.

I haven't decided if I'm going to put that in my blog or not...

Mommy Brain said...

She's 7. I'm thinking that a. she could call everyone "fat" because she saw it on tv as a really good insult and figures it applies to anyone over a size 0, b. she's possibly getting some really scary body image influences at home, and c. even Tyra Banks gets called fat these days so now you're in the same category as her - go you! :-)

All kidding aside, you have four kids including a set of twins. If you manage to actually get time to yourself and don't want to spend it running in place who can blame you???

Dana said...

This was a great post and I am so impressed by all the support your commenters have given! I feel the love and hope you do too. :)

Astarte said...

Kids say obnoxious things to each other for all kinds of reasons. I'm so sorry you had to hear that!!!

I was The Fat Kid when I was young, and no matter what I do, I'm still overweight now. I know I'll probably hear something similar someday from one of my kids' friends, and I'm dreading it, because that little fat kid will always be cowering inside me, hiding from all the meanness that was thrown at me on a daily basis when I was in school.

Screw that kid, and screw being 'fat'. You are not fat, you are a person who has more fat on her body than some people, and less than others. I'll take being an overweight smart person over a vapid anorexic any day.

Black Hockey Jesus said...

Aw I think Meg should've punched Abby in the face.

But I have a treadmill too and it's a good zone out and think about blogs time.

Black Hockey Jesus said...

And yeah Heather Spohr's the bomb.